Backsliding
Some days it feels like old habits might be slipping back, and I get this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The feeling is a good reminder that I never want to go there again, but what’s really happening?
Occasionally I buy a bunch of things without waiting weeks (or sometimes months) first, and then I let the receipts sit in my planner for days, waiting to be input. You see, I know that I’ve spent a lot of money. I could probably even tell you how much I’ve spent within a couple of dollars. But I don’t normally spend a lot of money on things that I don’t really “need”, and so I dread inputting the receipts and “making it a reality”.
Which is silly, because of course it’s a reality already. Yes, I really did buy a whole ton of stuff that’s mostly just for me. (Because it’s stuff for the house, and my husband would have been fine with the old stuff. The stuff that would have irritated me every day because it doesn’t match.) And it’s ok that I bought the stuff, because despite this being yet another unexpectedly expensive month (new water heater, new power steering pump) I do have the money.
The reason I feel like I don’t though, is I’m buying stuff that would have come out of our “household” fund, which has been decimated and doesn’t have the money. So since it doesn’t have it, I’m lending our fund the money. Because I do, and I don’t want to wait. Nor do I want to pay for the stuff myself.
So I have this strange, negative feeling of borrowing money, even though I’m really borrowing it from myself! It just feels like a slippery slope that I want to avoid.
