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Talking about finances can sometimes be difficult, especially if you and your spouse have a long history of money-related problems. But even if you don’t have a history of problems in that area, it can still be difficult to bring up the subject of money. (Maybe it’s our culture, I don’t know.)

But getting on the same page financially can make a world of difference. It’s really, really effective when you have shared goals and agreements as to how to reach those goals. It can improve your relationship, and of course get you to where you’d like to be faster.

So how do you bring up the subject of finances? First, it’s probably more important to know when not to bring up the subject: Don’t do it when you’ve gotten yet another overdraft notice in the mail. Don’t do it when the credit card statement comes and there are a whole bunch of charges on it that you don’t think should be there. Don’t do it when you arrive home with bags and bags from Neiman Marcus. Don’t do it when some important activity that’s important to the other person is about to start or when there isn’t much time. Don’t do it when you’re tired and cranky.

Instead, schedule a time to talk ahead of time, but do it in a light-hearted way. For example, try saying that you’ve got some financial goals you’d like to talk about, and that you would like to hear what the other person has to say as well. Ask when a good time to talk about that would be. Listen to what the other person has to say in response.

If they don’t want to talk at all, try telling them that you really want their input and that the subject is important to you. (If they still don’t want to talk, try getting counseling.)

Once the time comes, stick to one single topic. Don’t try to resolve everything in one talk. Just get out what you have to say about the single topic you’ve decided on, ask for the other person’s opinion, and schedule a time to talk about it more later — either to discuss it further, or to check on the progress of what you’ve agreed to if you’ve already come to an agreement.

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