Good news! You’re standing in your own way
I can’t tell you how many times I read message board posts where people ask for help with their finances. They’re greeted with suggestion after suggestion: areas they could cut back in, ways they could try to earn extra income, places they could go for help, books to read, etc. But often the initial poster’s response is to shoot down every single suggestion.
“Well, but I can’t do that because _______”, they say. You can pretty much fill in the blank with every excuse in the book.
Here are just a few of them:
- I can’t sell my SUV because I have a dog/we live somewhere cold/we like to go camping.
- I can’t move because my son just got into a great daycare/I need a big yard.
- I can’t cancel cable because my husband would be mad/I have a contract.
- I can’t work because I’m still in college/a SAHM/not able to get a job in my field/overeducated/undereducated/unskilled/whatevered.
- I can’t stick to a budget because I have kids/have an irregular income.
- I can’t cancel my cell phone because there might be an emergency.
- I can’t get ahead because my car keeps breaking down/Christmas is coming.
If you’re the person who can come up with reason after reason as to why you “can’t” do something, try substituting “I don’t WANT to do that because _______” instead.
Then rephrase things one more time. Try “I don’t want to do _______ because I’d rather lay awake at night wondering how I’m going to pay my bills.” Or “I don’t want to do _______ because I’d rather have creditors calling me all the time.” Or how about “I don’t want to do _______ because I’d rather have my child grow up in a house filled with tension and money fights.”
Do you feel differently?
Sure, sometimes things that are beyond our control happen to us. But unless we’re comatose, we always have a choice in how we act regarding the things that happened. We can always look for alternatives, once we open our eyes to the possibilities. If you really had to, how COULD you do those things you “can’t” do?
Once you realize that your actions are a CHOICE, you can get out of your own way.
And that really is good news.
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February 29th, 2008 at 9:23 am
So true.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
SO TRUE! I was just saying last night how it’s amazing how many people don’t see how they create the situations they are in. It’s a good idea to change “I can’t” to “I don’t want to”.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Great post!
We all have the power to choose, its just whether we excercise that power or not :)
March 1st, 2008 at 12:10 am
I would say that 99% of the time excuses are just excuses and could be overcome if they really wanted to. There are times when it really could be true, but even then I am sure there are ways to overcome the excuses with help from friends and family and other support.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:28 am
If people are ready to make a change in how they spend money, I’ve got a quick and painless way to do that: review your monthly credit card bills and see if you are being automatically charged for a service you no longer need, want or enjoy. I understand that people want to hold on to the old and the comfortable, so why not make a deal with yourself that you’ll cancel only one of these automatic charges. Once you get used to that, find another and cancel that, too. We did this recently–and I blogged about it here–and found a way to save ourselves $500 a year.
Leah
March 1st, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Yes! Yes! The yes-but defense is THE biggest roadblock to success. Everything costs something. You can’t get your hand out of the jar if you keep making fist. What you let go of will save you. Thanks for this.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Very true. There are very few things that we absolutely can’t do. But getting rid of your luxuries is definitely not on that list. Humans as a general rule will cope and adjust to whatever is necessary. If you really think that driving car X is part of that necessity (unless its part of your job), then you’re never going to get ahead.
If you live in a city you can get away with not owning a car, yes the alternative is not always appealing but chances are that in every office there is a person with a longer commute than you, doing it by transit because they can’t afford a car. Great post!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Hear hear.
I’ve caught myself doing that a couple of times ” I can’t give that up because…. ”
but now I just mentally slap myself.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I 100% completely utterly agree! This is my biggest pet-peeve when it comes to people asking me for financial advice. Here I am, offering advice and all people can say is “Yeah, but; I can’t”. Drives me bonkers! Great post!
March 14th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Oh, you know, and I am soooo not interested in hearing the justifications!
I’ve been attending to my own financial well-being for a couple of years, now, and I have absolutely stopped trying to get anyone else onto my bandwagon, because of all those excuses, that really do sound pathetic when viewed objectively.
I’m just doing my own thing, and once in a while, the converastion turns to finance (believe me, I wish it didn’t!), and I may say something like, “I don’t eat out often. I shop and cook at home,” and then am barraged with all the reasons my conversation partner can’t do that, and I DIDN’T EVEN ASK!
But the truth is, that used to be me, so I do my best to respond compassionately and change the subject.