How to Die Broke
While there are sometimes circumstances that are beyond our control (disasters, medical issues, etc.) here are seven steps you can take today if your goal is to ensure that you die broke:
1. Pay no attention to what you buy, how much it is, or whether you have the money for it. Never let the word “no” pass your lips.
2. Always buy the latest and greatest, even if what you currently have is unused or just fine. This especially important for electronics and cars. You must always have the latest model.
3. Eat out for every single meal. (This gives you bonus broke-points, because it’s sure to lead to significant health problems down the road, which are of course expensive.)
4. Don’t bother with insurance, and stay away from doctors and dentists. Insurance is for wimps.
5. Be extremely generous to your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers. Buy them extravagant gifts for birthdays and holidays. Pick up the entire tab every time you have a meal together.
6. Refuse to take any job that might be beneath you. Do not discuss or attempt to negotiate salary or raises for the jobs you do take. If you get a cost of living raise, immediately adjust your spending upwards by more than that amount.
7. Adopt the following motto: “If they’ll lend it to me, it’s ok to spend it”. Borrow heavily and at high interest rates, especially from payday loan companies, credit cards, and home equity lines of credit. When those are maxed out, open new lines of credit to pay the old ones.
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November 1st, 2007 at 6:45 am
Considering I have no offspring, or anyone who is dependent on me, dying broke is actually not a bad idea. Timing is everything.
November 1st, 2007 at 7:25 am
Insurance is for wimps. That’s great! I’m still laughing!
November 1st, 2007 at 6:01 pm
But what about the new iPod Touch that I want to have!! I NEED it!
Good post…
November 1st, 2007 at 8:11 pm
haha…
It’s funny and sad at the same time. I know so many people who follow these rules to a T.