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The first time I realized you could use negotiation in a commercial transaction was an accident. I was a teenager browsing in a flea market, and I’d stopped to look at a violin. I didn’t know how to play the violin, but I’d always sort of vaguely wanted one. I idly asked how much it was, and recoiled at the price. I said “Oh never mind” and began walking away.

The vendor followed me, reducing the price with every step. Finally he got down to an affordable price, so I went back to look at the violin again. A little more reluctance on my part lowered the price still more, and we sealed the deal. We were both happy.

If you want to watch an expert negotiator at work, just tell a young child “no” and see what happens. First their little face will crumple up in shock & disbelief. How could you have told them no? Then it will quickly brighten, as they begin offering alternative after alternative. No, they can’t stay up til 8:30? Ok, but how about 8:25? 8:15? 8:40? And who hasn’t heard the “just 5 more minutes?” line that somehow turns into 15 or 30? Children keep asking and asking until they get something close to what they want (or until you stand extremely firm and they finally give up.)

Here are the basic principles for negotiating a major purchase:

Research the item you want to buy. What range of prices are similar items selling for? Do they include the things you’d like? How much wiggle-room is the vendor likely to have? (Electronics and jewelry often have extremely high markups, for example, so they probably have more wiggle-room.)

Be prepared. Have cash on hand, and know your bottom line. What do you really want, and what’s the least you’d be willing to accept?

Have an open mind. Come up with plenty of alternatives, and be willing to listen and compromise if the other party offers alternatives of their own.

Stand firm. Don’t let a salesperson “make” you feel bad by insinuating that there is something wrong with negotiating. Just ask them instead, “If our roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want to get the best deal?”. Who would say no to that?

Be willing to walk away. If you just can’t come to an agreement, being willing to walk away (and actually doing so) will often tip the scales in your favor. Especially at places like car dealerships, you’re likely to get a call the next day letting you know that they’ve reconsidered your offer. Remember, there are very few true one-of-a-kind items in this world. You can always try somewhere else, or go back and say that you’ll accept the previous offer.

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