The low-gift Christmas

Last year, we cut back dramatically on our Christmas gift-giving and receiving. I never really wrote about how that went, so I thought now might be a good time to do so.

The whole thing started with my husband. Christmas brought up memories of stressful times for him, and what he really wanted out of the season was more time with family. So he brought up the idea of a no-gift Christmas. I wasn’t on board with that (because I have gifts as one of my love languages) but I did have fond memories of a Christmas past of a dramatically different type. So we compromised on a low-gift Christmas instead. Here’s how it went.

We first talked to his family about stopping our Christmas gift exchange entirely with them, since we thought that they would be receptive to the idea. (They’d mentioned something similar in the past.) Surprisingly, they didn’t want to join in, but they did agree not to exchange gifts with us.

Then we talked to my extended family about the same thing, and were surprised a second time because they seemed all for the idea. Reactions ranged from logistical questions, to relief, to thrilled enthusiasm. Coincidentally during this time a family member that we had yet to talk to called ME with the same idea. There were also a very, very few people that we did not talk to about the idea at all, but kept things as they were.

Finally, we agreed that we would still exchange presents among the three of us, but that we would aim for fewer of them. (We ended up cutting back there by about half, maybe more.) Overall it was an enormous reduction in the amount of gifts given and received.

There was some anxiety in talking to people about that stuff — after all, it’s not the norm in modern-day America to call up someone and say hey, we wanted to let you know that we won’t be giving you Christmas gifts anymore, and we’d like it if you didn’t get anything for us either — but I’m very glad that we did it. No one seemed upset, everyone saved time and money, and we all got to relax together more instead of being awash in piles of wrapping paper & boxes that had to be carted around later.

I’ll admit it though, it was hard to shake the deeply-ingrained notion that you should not go to a party empty-handed. So uh, we didn’t. We brought cookies & candy that we made ourselves. (Which was fun, and resulted in more time together.) I did miss doing so much shopping, but my husband & I went window-shopping together instead, which was actually more satisfying. The worst thing that happened was that unbeknownst to us those who were still doing gift exchanges got together earlier for their exchange. So we missed out on seeing that, and on that time with them. I can understand it though, since it does feel strange to open gifts in front of people when not everyone is getting them.

There were also some unexpected benefits to this. No feeling bad because you knew that time, effort, love and money went into a gift for you that unfortunately wasn’t something you wanted or needed. It IS the thought that counts, so why not just have the thought and a hug? It was also really strange (in a good way!) to come home and just be able to go relax instead of dealing with the aftermath of Christmas. Maybe I sound ungrateful here, but I’m not. I’m grateful that we got to enjoy time together that still had a holiday flavor to it, but without the accompanying (and sometimes insidious) stress. And I really enjoyed the gifts we did give and receive. They were more meaningful.

We’ll be doing this again, and I imagine it will go even easier this year.

View Comments (11)
  • See, but that’s the thing, they don’t have to go for it in order for you to stop giving so many gifts.

  • My family did the same thing last year for the first time. I really liked it. My husband and I gave each other one gift, but that was it. The rest of the family and us did not exchange gifts and it was a different but good experience. We also had steak for Christmas dinner instead of the usual Turkey and ham. So we really shook up tradition.

  • This sounds absolutely fantastic. I hate getting gifts that I do not want – I appreciate the thought and a card for me would be thought enough – but I hate the waste of time, effort and money going into a gift that I do not need. I have banned my husband and children from buying me gifts but I insist on a home made card as I think that is the most thoughtful thing anyone can do for your birthday. I recently had my birthday and one person asked me what I wanted and I said nothing and they just sent a card, which was lovely.

  • I like this idea very much, but there is no way my family would go for it. Every year we talk about drawing names instead of buying for everyone, but no one ever wants to do it.

  • Recently, we used most of our money to buy gifts for a local women’s shelter, and limited our family exchange to gifts of only $10. It worked quite well, and we enjoyed taking the younger kids to the shelter to deliver the supplies to them. That was a very meaningful Christmas that we plan to repeat.

  • Our Christmas shopping had almost gotten out of hand and was too stressful trying to find worthwhile gifts to give without busting a budget. A few years ago we started drawing names, and it is a true relief. We still buy gifts for those under 18 because they enjoy them more and are more fun to shop for. Christmas is for family, not just consumerism!

  • It seems like my extended family will be moving towards this next year. Micha and I already don’t really give each other gifts. It’s too much stress and we’re neither of us very excited by them. During the year, we sometimes suggest to the other person that we get them a certain item we thought they might like, but that’s based on when we see the gift.

    Next year, everyone in my extended family except the new baby will be out of college, so my aunt has suggested that we look for a different approach to gifts, maybe none at all or maybe some small token (we’re already doing a name-by-name exchange).

  • Thanks for this great idea. I would love to do something like this this year. A few years back, we bowed out of the family gift exchange with my family. I was all for us exchanging family Christmas letters or things that helped us stay connected to all the extended family that lived far away, but when we received generic gifts that arrived after January 1st and were broken once they arrived, I decided that we weren’t meeting the goal of what I envision Christmas to be. A family member also recommended that we exchange gifts from the dollar store. I just felt that I don’t need a “thing” to feel loved. I just need to feel connected. Not all of my family agrees with this.

    So, one question for you. Do you have certain guidelines that you use for the gifts you do give? Is there a set dollar amount, or a certain way of deciding what you’re going to give? Do you create lists for each other?

    Thanks again for sharing!

  • I found you from your link on Frugal Dad…We are committing to handmade and recycled gifts this year…I’ve had tons of fun shopping at thrift stores and eBay…Thanks for sharing your experiences!

  • Hesses, no, no real guidelines for the gifts we do give. Well, at least not official ones. My own internal guideline is just to find “something I think they’d like”. I usually give my husband a list, sometimes my son will give one but usually he can’t think of anything. My husband could make a list, but I already know what he wants so no need ;)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

© 2023 BLUNTMONEY. All Rights Reserved | Disclaimer

Scroll To Top
Skip to content