What happens when you’re in over your head?
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I came across an anonymous public message board post recently that said the following:
We have made some stupid mistakes in the past and our credit is not the greatest. Last time I checked our credit scores were in the mid 500’s. That being said at this time [my husband] is working, but not actually employed. Sort of working under the table for friends, family and others doing odd jobs…We currently have a mortgage, big car payment and of course other bills. Not too much credit card debt, probably about $800.00 worth.
I am currently working full time, but by the end of the year we will be having a baby and our ultimate goal is for me to be able to stay home, but right now just doesn’t seem like an option…At this time most all of our bills are late since [my husband] was not working for the past 2 weeks or so, and so as a result everything is falling behind. Our mortgage is going to go up I think in November due to our ARM. We owe way more money on our car than its worth since we were stupid and traded in an old piece of junk car that we still owed money on and rolled that into our new car loan, but at the time really needed to since we really needed a reliable vehicle.
Ideally we would like to be able to refinance the house, possibly getting some equity $ out to make some repairs and updates to the house. We desperately need new flooring since we have nasty old carpet and with a baby coming I would hate to have a baby crawling around on the carpet.
Would love to be able to sell the car and get something a little cheaper and possibly SUV like for the baby and also our dogs. Right now its a sporty sedan and would be fine for a baby, but the payments are very high mostly due to the interest rate of having the crappy credit and from rolling the balance of the old car into it.
The biggest problem that I see with this situation isn’t the debt itself. It’s that the poster doesn’t appear to see the disconnect between the things she wants (to be a stay-at-home-mom, to make home repairs, to buy new carpet, and to buy a new car) and the situation that she & her husband are currently in. (How will they pay their existing bills? How will they support the baby that’s on the way? What if there are complications with the pregnancy or delivery? How will they improve their financial situation?) They are focused on things that they want but can’t afford and don’t need, and not their actions or existing reality. But focusing on their own actions and current reality is exactly what will enable them to get the things they want and to improve their situation.
If I were responding to this poster, the first thing I would do is encourage them to change their focus. That’s the biggest step, but it’s the most important. I would then point out that working under the table is illegal and potentially even more devastating to their future, since the IRS doesn’t take that kind of thing lightly, and taxes and penalties will eat up any future earings they make. I’d strongly recommend that the husband get a normal job, or at least begin paying taxes on and reporting his current income. Next I would suggest that they find out how much their mortgage is likely to increase, and create a spending plan that will enable them to make that payment on time. From there, they should prioritize their bills in order of importance: shelter, food, heat, and then other bills. I’d recommended that they contact any creditors they are behind with and set up a payment plan that they are CERTAIN they can stick to based on their existing income or less, with the largest payments going to any bills that are past due or over limit. I might suggest they contact CCCS as well.
Once they do some emergency triage on their finances, they could begin working on repairing past mistakes and getting better prepared for the future (so that two weeks of being out of work doesn’t put all of their bills behind.) What would you suggest for this couple?
September 27th, 2007 at 7:48 am
She seems pretty oblivious. She states what the problems are (husband not working, behind on bills, large car payment, mortgage that will be going up) and seems to understand how they got into the situation they are in (husband hasn’t worked for a few weeks, rolled over old car loan, ARM) but then goes on to talk about her wants/plans (replace flooring, buy SUV, stay at home with baby.) Talk about not being able to make the connection.
I am not nearly as tactful as you are, though. I would suggest that the husband gets a real job (Mc Donalds is always hiring), she gets her head out of the clouds (How about a $1500 bondo mobile that while not nearly as sexy as the SUV will get them from point A to B safely) and they both start to think about the baby they decided to bring into this world. (How are they going to provide medical care for a new infant? How are they going to keep the baby warm if their gas is shut off? How are they going to feed and clothe the baby if they can’t even pay their bills?) You know… pretty much what you said, minus the tact.
Krista
September 27th, 2007 at 8:04 am
As I was reading it, I noticed the same thing you did: she was dreaming too much. The carpet may be nasty, but my guess is that if it’s cleaned (shampooing is a whole lot cheaper than new!), it won’t harm the baby. An SUV might be nice, but it’s not a need. A cheap car will haul around a baby nicely, and there aren’t many times you *need* to haul around animals (vet once a year is the only need I can think of–pending emergencies). Based on this, I wonder if their “old piece of junk” was really that bad, or if it just wasn’t “cool” enough–or big enough or whatever. My instinct said it had problems, but the repairs would probably be cheaper than the new car. (Of course, I’m a bit jaded here, since my car problems are usually fixed by my father.)
I agree that the husband should either get a job (even one that insults his intelligence/creativity/etc.) or at least report the jobs he has been working. What are they going to do when she’s on maternity leave, since it’s usually not paid leave?
September 27th, 2007 at 11:41 am
I have several comments.
She may be looking for an easy solution to a problem that just requires hard work
1) I feel very strongly that her husband needs to man up. If you are doing odd jobs and are out of work a lot, you have to ‘get’ that something else needs to be done. Suppose he has no skilz. Anyone can go to Wal-mart or a fast food joint and work hard and be a manager in a couple months. If necessary, work on the side on the weekends.
2) Get rid of all unnecessary expenses. Cable, cell phones… etc.
3) If still in a bad situation, you can get down to 1 car once the baby is born.
All a person really has to do is decide that they are going to do everything they can to take care of their family.
Let me end with a story.
My parents refused to pay for my college, but their income meant that i didn’t qualify for aid or good loans (and I didn’t know that I could fight it). So, I worked 15 hours a week during the last year of high school. I worked all summer (making $8 an hour). When college started, I worked 25 hours a week. I also co-op’d and worked 50 hours a week (2 jobs) during alternate quarters. I didn’t take a single day of vacation (except holidays) for 5 years. I paid for all of my school and my living expenses (cheap appt). Right before my last year, I got married and my wife was pregnant right away. I got an apartment for us in a cheap (but safe area). We both kept our old cars, but upgraded to a $6000 replacement for 1 when the baby was due. I graduated school after 5 years, but no jobs were available right away. I worked >full time for a month and then started a ‘real’ job.
I am not particularly smart or talented. I work really hard and my family #1. I have now gotten many raises and am much mroe financially stable.
So, if someone is in a tough situation, they simply need to decide that they are going to fix their own problems and do it.
September 27th, 2007 at 11:49 am
I agree that there seems to be a major disconnect from reality going on here. Its easy to get carried away with all the things you’d like and ignore the actual likelihood of getting any of these things.
I’d suggest that the husband get a regular job and/or the wife gives up any dreams of being a SAHM (at least for now).
Finally, for their immediate needs, I’d strongly suggest that they pay rent, tax and utilities on time. Especially if the credit card company shouts louder for their money. A newborn baby and homelessness are not a good combination.
September 28th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
In addition to what others have already said, I think I’d have a talk with her about what home equity really is. She talks about wanting to tap into her equity to make repairs, but I don’t think she gets that it would be a loan that has to be paid back. I get the impression that she thinks it’s free (or magic) money.
If they can’t pay their bills on time, and those bills are too high for them, the last thing they can afford to do is take on more debt.
I also get the impression that she thinks if something isn’t perfect, then it needs to be replaced. CLEAN the carpet if you can’t afford to replace it! That can even be a free solution if they have any friends or family with a steamer to lend out.
I’m curious to know if they’ve even thought ahead to cribs, carseats, clothes, diapers, etc. for the baby on the way. Doesn’t sound like it.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I’ve got some sympathy because I *was* that woman for a while after having my son. I was a bit luckier in that my husband was working regularly, but I certainly had the disconnect that you talk about. Thankfully it is something that I’ve shaken now, and am continuing to pay down the debt in my journey towards fiscal freedom (boy, doesn’t *that* sound like a byline?).
The phrase that got me was the line about buying an SUV “for the baby”. Now, I’ve got two kids - one is 11 and one is 4. Neither of them, as babies or small children have given a flying monkey what sort of car I drove. Our car ethos is simple - buy cheap, keep it running as long as economically possible, then sell it for scrap and buy another cheap car. I’ve had some *wonderful* and characterful cars this way (and surprisingly few junkers), and never had a loan for a car in my life. I’d really like to tell this lady that kids don’t care what you drive. They don’t care what you put on the floor. As long as they are warm, fed and loved, they’re pretty much happy.
Stick with the ugly carpet and unfashionable car and dump some of that financial pressure.