When people are less than supportive



Reducing your debt and living within your means is a good thing, but what happens if not everyone in your life is supportive? Or even worse, what happens if people try to sabotage your choices? Dealing with these types of situations can be stressful.

I think it helps to take things on a case-by-case basis. Maybe you drive a beater, or like to use coupons when you’re dining out. If your friends or family are making comments about your choice to do these kinds of things, try listening to what they might really be saying instead of their actual words. “When are you ever going to buy a new car?” might really mean “I’m worried about you, but I don’t know how to show it.” Or, maybe it really means “I spend a lot of my time worrying about what other people think of me and my money goes toward keeping up appearances”. It could be any number of things — but it may help to mentally translate their words into something else. That way, instead of feeling defensive, hurt, sad, or pressured, you can turn their words into something positive.

Remember that not every question requires an answer. Instead of answering questions that you feel uncomfortable about, you can say that you don’t want to discuss it. When said with a very nice tone of voice, responses like “because I want to”, “this is how I choose to handle my money”, or “why are you asking?” work well too. If it turns out that they’re asking because they’d like to know more about personal finance, you could offer to show them why you’re so excited about doing the things you’re doing. Maybe recommend they check out a book like The Millionaire Next Door (affiliate link) from the library.

Finally, remember that in many ways debt reduction and living within your means are just like any other goal. Succeeding at goals usually means seeking out like-minded people that can offer support. Reading personal finance blogs, joining finance-related meetup groups, or even just journaling to track your own progress and success will all help.

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Posted in Debt on Feb 05, 2007

5 Responses to “ When people are less than supportive ”

  1. # 1 Clifford Says:

    I hear what you’re saying. I need to work on this.

    As much as I’d like to believe the “negative element” is looking out for my best interest, the negativity alone slowly wears away at my objectives.

    Like minded people are key.

  2. # 2 Liz Says:

    Actually Im considering creating a financial blog for myself to try to gain some support and encouragement. It’s difficult when some people spend as if there is no tomorrow….and others, well they just have much higher incomes, and are not in the same boat.

    Does it cost money to have a blog like this one? How did you go about setting it up?

    Thanks for your help.

  3. # 3 bluntmoney Says:

    Yes, it does cost money if you want your blog hosted on its own domain name (like http://www.bluntmoney.com). I pay for hosting, which runs around $84 per year through Bluehost (affliate link). Dreamhost is another popular host. If you don’t care about having your own domain name or just want to get a taste for blogging, you could set up a free blog at blogger. Then the domain name would be along the lines of blogname.blogspot.com. Blogger has its own interface & templates to choose from, so you’d just use those if that’s what you choose. I use a template designed for Wordpress, which is the blogging software I use. It really just depends what route you want to go. The biggest investment is probably time. I usually spend a minimum of 1/2 hour a day blogging, sometimes more.

  4. # 4 Mapgirl’s Fiscal Challenge / Friends & Money Says:

    [...] Why do people think this is a taboo subject? One of LAMoneyGuy’s most controversial and popular posts was about this subject. Even Blunt Money writes about what to do when friends aren’t supportive about financial efforts. [...]

  5. # 5 Best Debt Posts from Carnival of Debt Reduction #100 at Clever Dude Personal Finance & Money Says:

    [...] Money tells us how to handle less than supportive friends and family. Mostly, our families are supportive of our debt reduction and frugal methods, but our friends are [...]


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