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Do you give money to strangers?

Do you give money to strangers?

A similar question was asked recently on a message board that I frequent, and I have to admit that I was surprised at the answers most people gave. So I’m curious, what do you do if a stranger asks you for money? Does it make a difference to you if the person appears to be homeless, or explains why they want the money? Feel free to expand on your response in the comments if you’d like.

As for me, I’m pretty sure that I’ve never given money to a stranger that asked me for it on the street or in a restaurant. Part of that is because I just plain don’t carry money the majority of the time. But, the other part of it is that when I do carry money, it’s because I’m intending to buy something with it. Plus I just don’t feel comfortable giving it out like that. I’m usually tempted to if I do have cash and the person looks like they need it, but I don’t do it. It’s not for any moral reasons either: if I did give out money, I wouldn’t care what the person did with it. They know their life best, not me. I think it’s because I feel like I’m being scammed, or I feel vulnerable.

I have offered to go buy gas for someone that asked for gas money because they’d run out just a little ways short of their destination — I even had a gas can in my trunk that I could have used. They quickly said no never mind and went the other way.

I had a man come up to me in a Wendy’s recently and ask me for money so that he could buy some food. I paused for a second, debating internally about whether to just order him something to eat using my AMEX, realized that he looked to be in better shape than me, and said no. He then proceeded to yell “What, you don’t give money to black people?!”. I responded with “I don’t give money to anyone.” He then told me what a selfish person I was and stalked off. I don’t get the whole yell stupid stuff at people who don’t give away their money to you thing, but I will say that it makes me that much less likely to so much as make eye contact with someone asking me a question, let alone give them money.

On the other hand, I once asked a stranger for money myself. I was stuck downtown somewhere and needed a quarter for a pay phone. (Yeah, it was a loonnng time ago when cell phones weren’t prevalent.) The first person I asked gave me a quarter. It was a very odd feeling to be asking for money like that.

If you don’t give money, do you do something instead to help the individual homeless people you may encounter? If so, what? (I’m looking for ideas.) So many people are just a few paychecks away from being homeless that it’s scary. We recently watched Conversations With God, and it was sad to see how quickly people judged Neale Donald Walsch as being “too lazy” to get a job. When really, once you look homeless, people don’t want to be around you and it’s very hard to get hired. (Heck, I had a terrible time getting hired myself, and I wasn’t in that situation.) There has to be some sort of happy medium regarding giving money away.

View Comments (26)
  • At the airport, a stranger approached me and said he needed $18.50 to buy a return ticket to Seattle. I immediately thought to myself “Who comes to the airport without money to buy a ticket?”

    He was denied.

  • I have mixed feelings about it. I work in downtown Vancouver where we have a bit of a homeless persons problem because there’s nowhere for the homeless people to go. So every time I leave my office to get a coffee or to go out for lunch, I pass probably 10-15 homeless people begging for money in the space of a few blocks. This happens every day. Honestly my budget doesn’t include much room for cash (I manage most of my money online) so I don’t have much on me to give away. About once every couple of months I will give a dollar or two to a homeless person when the mood strikes me, but I’m quite selective about who I give it to. I only give it to a homeless person that I have seen regularly on the streets here because I feel like that way, they’re REALLY homeless and not scamming me. I only give it to them if they ask politely and don’t give me any flack if I’ve said no in past. I’ve often passed homeless people with signs up saying things like “Need money for booze and cigarettes – hey at least I’m being honest!” They don’t get my money either, I’m not going to help fuel their addictions if I can help it.

    On Christmas Eve though, my family and I have a tradition of going to Subway, buying up a bunch of sandwiches, and passing them out to homeless people after church.

  • No I do not give money to people I don’t know.

    I see homeless people pretty much everyday I go to work in Seattle, with the signs, from “Why lie, I need a beer?”, to “Jesus saves, anything helps” to “ugly, broke, can you spare a buck?”

    There are “regulars”–who work the same street corners week in and week out.

    Once my daughter and I saw one, with a sign “hungry need food”…while he was smoking a ciggarrette and talking on his cell phone.

    I just don’t think it is REALLY helping them. My guess would be, they are either mentally ill or drug/alcohol addicted. Most are my age or younger and able bodied (atleast on the outside they are).

    I contribute to charities–ones that are KNOWN–

    There is a group here called Volunteers of America, that help provide food, shelter, work assistance for low income/homeless families.

    I donate clothes several times a year, as well as to canned food drives.

    I work too hard for my money, to be donating for someone else to get high.

    I watched a show on PBS not that long ago about the homeless in Portland. They were teens…basically they took the $$ they got to buy heroin.

    Ugh.

  • I wanted to comment, but it ended up being a bit longer than altogether necessary and turned into a blog post which I thank you for inspiring. You are right when you point out how frighteningly close many of us are to homelessness.

  • Actually giving food solution to me, and I’ve had other people tell me that its better not to give homeless people money as most of the time yes it will fuel their addiction. I personally believe that giving donations to trusted charities is a much better solution. Although that still doesn’t prevent me from feeling guilty about not giving change to somebody.

  • Another Vancouverite here and while I used to give money to beggars in the past, I’ve stopped completely upon realizing that the *vast* majority of beggars use this money to buy cigarettes/booze/drugs.

    I have a friend who used to work at a wine shop on Davie St. He said that he used to give money to beggars until he started working at this wine store. While he was working there, he said that quickly lost count of the number of times he’d see someone begging on the street, then come into the wine shop and buy the cheapest booze they carried. He said that practically every panhandler he saw on/around Davie came into his store is alarming regularity. And this includes people who had the “Hungry, anything helps” signage. While it’s unfortunate that these people have become addicted, I’m certainly not going to support the continuation of those addictions.

    The only exception is I will sometimes drop a loonie or toonie into the instrument case of someone playing on the street. To me, that’s the difference between begging and busking, and I don’t have a problem giving money to buskers if I like what they’re doing (even if it isn’t that good).

  • I don’t give money ever, and I’m asked often. I rarely have money, sure, and when I do have money, I do not feel comfortable opening my wallet for a stranger, ok, but mostly I feel like whatever I could give wouldn’t help the larger problem. I volunteer at a local homeless shelter and food bank instead. I think that helps much more than a few coins. I don’t know if I’m right, but I feel like it’s the better choice.

  • I used to give money when I could because I believed people. But as I ran into more and more people who had the same story at the same corner every week, I stopped. I figure I can give to a charity that works with the homeless and they’ll be able to tell the scammers from the needy much better than I will.

    And, I have to say, as I continue to slog along in dayjobs that are really hard for me, I resent lying beggars that hang around just because they don’t want to work. It’s not that I’m against people trying to find a way to avoid the rat race. Just don’t expect me to fund it for you before I’ve funded it for myself.

  • No, as in Hell No! I live in San Francisco and you can’t walk 2 feet without getting hit up for money. I’m in NY right now, and what can I say, it’s nice not being accosted every 5 feet for money, I may not like Guliani, but I would sure vote for him to be mayor of SF to clean our city up.

    And in this city of free love, no one goes hungry, there are almost as many free food kitchens as there are restaurants in the city.

    There’s this one guy, who works the Castro area, you think he’s in total bad shape, saliva dripping down his mouth, some kind of palsy, not being able to walk, then you see him elsewhere in the city and none of that is happening – it makes me sick.

    Then take the case of Dane, who is homeless, stays in the Castro area, and helped to rescue a man who crashed his car – literally pulling the guy from a burning car. I’ll help him out, but he’s mentally disturbed and should really be in a home.

    I think the homeless agencies don’t want to see change, they like the “big business” of homesless. I just know walk by and ignore. It’s heartless, yes, but being accosted everyday is numbing.

  • I’d really prefer to know that my money isn’t being used to buy some drug dealer an expensive home.

  • I was walking into work (downtown Cleveland) and a hobo dressed as a construction worker asked me for $34 to patch his gas tank. He wore nearly identical clothing as the workers repairing the road, and said his truck was up the block and leaking gas. The cops were going to tow his truck, unless he patched the tank with some sort of silicone. He needed a few more bucks for the patch. I was convinced he was a legitimate worker at first, but something didn’t feel right so I passed on giving him anything. Later I was thinking, if he was really a legitimate worker, why wouldn’t he ask a co-worker for the money, or even his boss.

  • Hehe I actually have two experiences.
    My sister was going somewhere with her accountant
    and as they were waiting at a light a bum comes up to beg for some money. My sister was getting a dollar out of her pocket and her accountant said: “Don’t give him any money.” And my sister was like : “Why”? “Well I just did that guys taxes last week and that guys a millionaire.”

    I figure it this way if a bum asked for 5 bucks or a couple of bucks on a street corner and makes like 15 dollars in an hour or even half hour his finances would look like this.

    Half hour $15
    Full Hour $30
    8 hour day $240
    5 Day week $1200
    52 week year $62,500

    All Tax free

    Mind you I know that some people fall on hard times and to those that do go thru genuine hardship I do give them a couple of bucks but others like the bum I gave food too and a year later he asked me for money from me with the same story, No money for him.

  • I live in Chicago and there are tons of people on the street asking for money. Here are a few examples of good and bad cases:

    1. Winter. Cold. Woman in front of 7-11 asking for money. I went in and along with whatever, got some hot chocolate and a sandwich. Went outside to give them to her… She took it, didn’t say thank you and then hid it so people couldn’t see and continued asking for money.

    2. Sat down and had a conversation with a guy who had been outside of McDonalds for a few days. He didn’t ask for money or maybe a cigarrette. Sat down and smoked a cigarrette with him and talked. I was the first person to actually ask HIM how he was doing in awhile. Bought him some McDonalds, talked more, heard his story about getting to a shelter in Indiana and then walked with him to the Metra and physically bought him the ticket. Haven’t seen him since. Felt good about it.

    3. Leaving Dunkin Donuts. Homeless guy getting kicked out. I open the door for him because I was leaving at the same time. He asked for money. I said “Sorry, man” which is my reply to most requests. He says, “That’s rude to open the door for a person and not give them money.” Swear to God. As the train passed overhead, we were flipping each other off and cussing. CANNOT make sense of that one.

    4. Homeless guy out in front of my building. He NEVER asks for money, only cigarrettes. He also thinks he’s building a spaceship. But he NEVER asks for money and gives a decent conversation.

    5. Guy on a bridge wasn’t immediately asking people for money but was looking each person passing DIRECTLY in the eye, SMILING and asking them how they are. I stopped, talked and gave him money saying that there are people being paid to work in customer service or retail that won’t do that. Haven’t seen him again but I will never forget it and am COMPLETELY happy that I gave that guy money.

  • would anyone give money to an organization that gives money to struggling middle class families that are living check to check? Like maybe if someone paid their rent or mortgage for 3-6 months, that would help them get ahead. Or maybe if someone could pay their health insurance for a year it would really help them out. Without the burden of having to pay it back with or without interest? Please let me know your thoughts.

  • If I was rich I would love to give money to people w/out them knowing who gave it to them. Millions of good, hardworking people are struggling w/illnesses like myself who would love some help financially.

  • I DO HELP PEOPLE WHEN I CAN. I HAVE WORKED HARD ALL MY LIFE AND STRUGGLED TO MAKE ENDS MEET AT TIMES AND YES IF I SEE SOMEONE IN NEED I DO HELP. MY DREAM WOULD BE TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY ALL MY DEBTS AND ENOUGH LEFT OVER TO HELP OTHERS. SOMEDAY I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A HALF WAY HOME FOR TEENAGERS IN NEED.

  • All you people saying you wouldn’t give them money as all they’d spend it on is alcohol and drugs..

    Think about what things you spend it on.

    I know whenever I see homeless people I’m more often than not hungover from the night before, heading somewhere like a pub to meet friends and spend some money on drinks or things I don’t really need. Give them money and let them enjoy theirselves too.

  • Yes, anytime anyone asks me and I have it, I give it, I give them whatever I have. I cannot stand the thought that someone needed me and I refused them. I do not like people having to suffer and struggle, I feel bad that I can’t do more, it hurts me that I can’t make it better for them. This world is cold, its hard for some people, I wish that I was in a position to help more people. I feel so bad that some people have to suffer, they are here alone, when I can help I do and I will not stop.

  • I have a large family my husband has been out of work for almost two years. he has been trying to find a job to support our family needs. Its been a very stressful last two years, the city we live in do not have any programs to help needy families.Is there anyone out there to help I am not looking for charity just help to get ahead for once in our life

  • No, giving money just to eases your guilt momentarily and does not help anyone. You can give a person $1,000 but if they cannot make wise choices then its pointless. So next time someone asks you for change ask yourself these questions, “How much money does a homeless person need before they can get off the street?” Would the amount afford them an apartment for a few months until they found a job? How would someone in that position find a decent job without having a diploma or GED? Take in cosideration that some homeless people have criminal backrounds. What if this person has an addiciton problem, how would they maintain a work schedule?
    Most of us realized early on in grade school that poor decisions lead to severe consequences. I know kids who come from economically poor homes that make better choices about their money than some of my middle class friends whom decide to live above their means and buy a house they cannot afford. Donating to a school, shelter, church(if you attend one), or recreation center will help more people in much desperate need than someone who is possibly shady.

  • I have been reading these posts and I agree with quite a bit of them but some just really make me upset. |It is 1 am and the reason I am on the computer is because I am looking for ways to make money. 2 years ago I had breast cancer and went through a lumpectomy and then a year of chemo and radiation. I worked through it all and then I started having problems, you see I was a waitress and I could no longer lift the heavy trays because my arm would go numb. Well after a CT scan I found out that I now have degenerative disc disease in my neck so I had to quit waitressing. In the middle of all this my sister dies and I get guardianship of her 16 year old son. My son is 15. So now I have 2 teenagers to feed and cloth and no job. My husband is working 2 full time jobs. Well anyway needless to say he has to work both because we can not make it on just one job. We can’t even make it on the 2 he has, but we make 2 much to get any kind of help. I tried to do a different job and found out that I have chemo brain. I actually have to write my name, address, phone number and any other personal info down so that if I forget I can look in my purse at that paper. So when you say that you would not give money to someone asking for it on the street maybe you should stop and ask them why or just really look at them before you just walk right on by. I use to be the same way but when you go through something that changes your life and life style and makes you only one step away from being homeless yourself , you tend to start thinking differently. What really irritates me is that in order to get any kind of job that I can do from home I have to buy this or that. Well I just keep looking because I refuse to stop trying. Can not even get disability because they say I can still work just not at anything that I have to lift at. How many jobs do you not lift things at, not many. Thank you for listening.

  • i think that homeless people deserve better some of them honestly cant help it but others are just lazy bums who think it our job to support their habits or addictions…..i myself only give when i feel compelled to give most of the time i offer to buy them food or a drink and if they refuse that then i know they only want it for other reasons they don’t need. if your homeless and you dont wanna be then pray cause god answers prayers, but you gotta believe in jesus and god and have faith that he will hear you and answer your prayers.

  • I am From Bangladesh…I know it is one of the most corrupted nations n the world….there are beggars all around but most are fraud…..

    It depends when i give money to strangers….. i do some times when the amount is small….but I specially give to old people who I every day see lie on the street with same dress and with less cloths on them….sometime I even buy them food and cloths….most doesn’t ask…. But I specially provide cash to women in rural areas who are homeless, or under poverty level….

  • If you are a believer in god then who are we to judge or cast judgment
    God said if you hold out your hand I will pull you the rest of the way
    He doesn’t say OK what do you need it for let me see if I want to help you!
    We are all Gods soldiers to do Gods work with out questioning him.
    So if one where to ask for help ( homeless, rich, whom ever ) and even if I don’t have much I would give it, with out reasoning and if they lied or use it for other means then God will judge and handle it, and I know I done my part, for Gods! Gods plain is if you have 2 jackets and one is needed then give it so we all have a jacket (example) and how can you ask God for help when you don’t even help others. ( regardless of what you think ) I am very poor and I am raising 3 girls and I do not have much but what I do have and it is needed I well give it, it is only things and you can always get things, but you cant always get a clear soul .

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